"What we need to do as people is come in unity, because that's what community is:
Come, In, Unity."
--NAOMI JUDD, comm-in-unicator
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Ice cream store man, please do not play Alanis Morissette while I am trying to eat on your premises. It interferes with my enjoyment of your fine product. What a lovely couple. Miss, does it bother you that your beau answers greetings by saying 'Howdy' that way? I suppose it is uplifting that there are relationships where this can happen and not cause trouble. That's what diversity is all about. Good-bye and good riddance, Loud Cell Phone Talker. You will not be missed here. The broadcast of your phone purchase is singularly unnecessary, especially from one who shops at Club Monaco. Perhaps, Boji of 130 Lexington Avenue, place of work 70 Vanderbilt, you would like an additional item shipped to you free of charge: a reminder that high-pitched mobile phone communication not only undermines our sense of community in this little burgh, it undermines your safety, because now we know where you live. Young man wearing camouflage, what are you telling us? Are you indicating your willingness to serve in the Balkans, or perhaps our nation's schools? Do you realize that without foliage, your clothing's utility is rendered obsolete? Good sir, while your meal may well be finger-lickin' good, your fellow diners would prefer not to have this demonstrated. Respected Team Member: I suggest you have your respiratory tract evaluated by a medical professional. I petition you earnestly, fellow subway patron, to restrict your movement. Dearest neighbor, your joyous celebration of Def Leppard does not go unappreciated by this particular building dweller; however I merely suggest that the bass, and the volume of your singing, might be lowered, thus strengthening my support of your listening decisions. My friend, are you high? Of course I do not wish to see The Mummy with you. If I am, as Oprah says, a vessel on its way to the Mother ship, then you, my regrettable emotional attachment, are one big obtrusive piece of seaweed in my rudder. Club owner man, why do you deny the children their right to rave? Should we all not be free to pose and consume? Mister Softee, how is it that you do not reveal yourself, that your vehicle seems innocuous, yet your music disturbs and compels me? I curse you, fellow stair climber, and the revolting secretions you leave in your wake. Please, let us all enjoy the WB in peace and without rancor. |